Am I Ok?

Am I Ok?

Last Wednesday Fthr Beverley from the Cape Town Diocese reminded me why I ranked him up there along with Russ Blassoples as influential spiritual leaders in the Anglican Church. While this mild-mannered but strong-willed old mans body is beginning to slow his sound mind never fails to enlighten.

I expect it is his realism that I relate to. He emphasised the uselessness of fasting if the withdrawal left you miserable and terrible to be around, along with other faith-related topics. But what quite stuck out for me was his stories of saints like Paul and Augustine who did not start out as saints- quite the opposite actually. Augustine had quite the taste for women and led a hedonistic lifestyle. When his mother prayed for his salvation, Augustine prayed "create in me a pure heart O Lord- just not now", and indeed he went on to become a great saint. I suppose what I take from this is that it is never too late to redeem oneself. Remembering that we are human and not without fault this is rather comforting.

I too find myself battling with human habits, such as vanity. As an example a problem I face is that I take pleasure in it whether I like to admit it or not. So when I pray "please Lord don't let me care about how my hair looks or how the world sees me", essentially I'm lying. I'm asking for something I don't really want which seeems to be defeating the purpose. The human state can be amended then, but where do we start without being hypocritical?

Tonight Fthr Moodely took the floor and also touched on humanity and its tendencies; by posing the question: Am I Ok?
Am I ok in the sense of spiritual well- being, is my heart ok? We all maintain our composure he noted, but God knows us intimately, he knows what's going on inside. Like swans; he used the metaphor. Gracefully floating on the water yet beneath the surface paddling frantically to stay afloat. A reflection of of what our lives are like. Perfect composure for the world to see while we quietly but frantically deal with internal battles. Fthr Moodeleys' solution to this is to let into your heart the one being that already knows what is going on inside it. A powerful prayer, a 'one-liner' he labelled it. Favoured by a colleague of his at St John's in Belleville: "Come into my heart O Lord, there is room for you in here". So then going back to the issue of vanity, perhaps we don't always pray for the right things.

Instead of negative prayers (take away my vanity) we should perhaps try positive prayers (give me the wisdom to appreciate what's really important).

Am I ok?

Answered with an Indian urban legend, Fthr Moodeley concluded:

In the old Indian villages there were always wise old men around to give advice and to answer questions. One day a little boy decided to try and trick an old wise man. He caught a little bird and, holding it behind his back, asked the old wise man if the bird was dead or alive. Very smart of this young boy knowing that if the old man said the bird is dead, he could present a living bird, but if the old man said alive, he could twist the birds neck with a simple movement and present a dead animal.
The wise old man answered simply: "The answer is in your hands"

The Cat in the Hat

"Now! Now! Have no fear.
Have no fear!" Said the cat.
"My tricks are not bad,"
Said the Cat in the Hat.

Out of Dr Suess's The Cat in the Hat I find the most unlikely metaphor: The cat always seems to be getting up to no-good but there's always an answer in the end. Everything seems a right mess halfway through and by the end of the story everything is sorted and the antics of that Cat makes sense at last.

Reminds me a bit of life I guess. The unexpected tosses our lives about completely and leave us confused and often devastated. So it may help to know that someone has a plan; and much like after the Cat dropped the cake and the rake and the nine other things that he was carrying on his Hat, it all got cleaned up with his little cleaning-mobile.

God often watches and maybe even helps us mess (if not to enthrall our lives then) to help us clean up and learn all the little lessons we were meant to learn in order to help us grow. As people and as faithful people. Experiences sometimes may tear us apart but they also help us become the people we were meant to be. 

We won't ever know what the future holds and our choices are made in faith: faith that things will happen as they should. But while we pray for guidance, surely He guides us, and eventually we will see things unfold in the best way possible. For now, here's some Dr Seuss wisdom:

A person 's a person, no matter how
small .
-- Dr . Seuss

Be who you are and say what you
feel because those who mind don ' t
matter and those who matter don ' t
mind .
-- Dr . Seuss

I have heard there are troubles of
more than one kind . Some come
from ahead and some come from
behind . But I 've bought a big bat .
I 'm all ready you see . Now my
troubles are going to have troubles
with me!
-- Dr . Seuss

And off course..

Don't cry because it's over. Smile
because it happened .
-- Dr . Seuss

The plight of the elderly

Something I found on Facebook...to think about the next time you want 'brush off' an elderly person..

When an old man died in the geriatric ward of a nursing home in an
Australian country town, it was believed that he had nothing left of any
value.
Later, when the nurses were going through his meagre possessions,
They found this poem. Its quality and content so impressed the staff
that copies were made and distributed to every nurse in the hospital.
One nurse took her copy to Melbourne. The old man's sole bequest to
posterity has since appeared in the Christmas editions of magazines
around the country and appearing in mags for Mental Health. A slide
presentation has also been made based on his simple, but eloquent,
poem.
And this old man, with nothing left to give to the world, is now the
author of this 'anonymous' poem winging across the Internet.
Cranky Old Man
What do you see nurses? . . .. . .What do you see?
What are you thinking .. . when you're looking at me?
A cranky old man, . . . . . .not very wise,
Uncertain of habit .. . . . . . . .. with faraway eyes?
Who dribbles his food .. . ... . . and makes no reply.
When you say in a loud voice . .'I do wish you'd try!'
Who seems not to notice . . .the things that you do.
And forever is losing . . . . . .. . . A sock or shoe?
Who, resisting or not . . . ... lets you do as you will,
With bathing and feeding . . . .The long day to fill?
Is that what you're thinking?. .Is that what you see?
Then open your eyes, nurse .you're not looking at me.
I'll tell you who I am . . . . .. As I sit here so still,
As I do at your bidding, .. . . . as I eat at your will.
I'm a small child of Ten . .with a father and mother,
Brothers and sisters .. . . .. . who love one another
A young boy of Sixteen . . . .. with wings on his feet
Dreaming that soon now . . .. . . a lover he'll meet.
A groom soon at Twenty . . . ..my heart gives a leap.
Remembering, the vows .. .. .that I promised to keep.
At Twenty-Five, now . . . . .I have young of my own.
Who need me to guide . . . And a secure happy home.
A man of Thirty . .. . . . . My young now grown fast,
Bound to each other . . .. With ties that should last.
At Forty, my young sons .. .have grown and are gone,
But my woman is beside me . . to see I don't mourn.
At Fifty, once more, .. ...Babies play 'round my knee,
Again, we know children . . . . My loved one and me.
Dark days are upon me . . . . My wife is now dead.
I look at the future ... . . . . I shudder with dread.
For my young are all rearing .. . . young of their own.
And I think of the years . . . And the love that I've known.
I'm now an old man . . . . . . .. and nature is cruel.
It's jest to make old age . . . . . . . look like a fool.
The body, it crumbles .. .. . grace and vigour, depart.
There is now a stone . . . where I once had a heart.
But inside this old carcass . A young man still dwells,
And now and again . . . . . my battered heart swells
I remember the joys . . . . .. . I remember the pain.
And I'm loving and living . . . . . . . life over again.
I think of the years, all too few . . .. gone too fast.
And accept the stark fact . . . that nothing can last.
So open your eyes, people .. . . . .. . . open and see.
Not a cranky old man .
Look closer . . . . see .. .. . .. .... . ME!!

Create in me a clean heart, O God...

Reitterated Fthr Moodley last night at the Ash Wednesday service at the Church of the Transfiguration in Bellville. Touching on my previous post, he mentioned that 'Lent' comes from an old English word meaning 'Spring', thus indicating a time to 'Spring-clean' our souls (Thank you uncle Colin for confirming my theory:)).

'A time to refresh our spirit' was the message to be taken from the sermon and no beating around the bush was to be had. 'Give up sinning for Lent' was what Fthr Moodeley suggested.

Additionally, Theo Hendricks, the new Rector at Transfig had preceded himself with a theme for this lent: "A Journey of Faith" is what this 40 days would be.

Combining the two we find a delicate mix but a challenge worth accepting nonetheless. The things that constitute sin in a Christians life often holds meaning and sentiment, or else living without sin would surely be easier than it is. But if we put our faith in a God that delivers us from evil surely we will find a path away from the sin that makes our souls dreary.

The Lenten season is about three things:
Fasting
Praying &
The giving of Alms.

Let's experience our fast differently this year by giving up sin (at least as far as possible). Take this opportunity to get rid of bad habits that hurt other people, such as smoking.

Pray. And do it earnestly. Find a space where you can pray and give yourself the opportunity to feel Gods presence and know that he is listening. Have faith in his Love and have faith in his plans. He has plans to prosper you remember? Sometimes we go into things blindly but just as his were the footprints in the sand, so will he be the light unto your path when you need it.

Give from deep inside. Give in a way that is mutually beneficial. If you are naturally shy, make someone's day a pleasant comment while at the same time allowing yourself to step out of your shell. Find a talent that you harbour but do not use, and use it to inspire someone!

May this Lenten season set the pace for the rest of 2013 and may we come out of it with a spirit renewed.

ps. Don't be afraid to love. The Love of God will guide you.

Ash Wednesday

Another Lenten season earmarks the beginning of the third year of this virtual space. Today I join you as we embark on another spiritual journey of repentance, sacrifice and faith as we are reminded of Jesus' journey with his cross- a journey that would end in death and be ressurected to life.

I was not drawn here because it is the eve of Ash Wednesday, I was drawn here because of emotional turmoil. Bursts of emotion is usually what drives us to the Lord is it not? Be it great joy or sorrow we as humans are generally, and unfortunately, steered to God by desperation rather than selflessness. It was then that I realised that it was in fact the seasonal anniversary of this blog. This left me with the realisation that for some reason, come this time of the year I am in an emotional state which leaves me needing to come back here for comfort.

This leaves me with 2 hypothesis:
1. God prepares us for this solemn time by hooking our crosses over our shoulders and saying 'walk' or
2. It takes us about a year to become heavy laden by our spiritual waste so that a new Lenten season is ready to receive us and give us that chance (again) that Chist paid so heavy a price for.

For now my theory is the former. As I find myself at emotional crossroads it is the divine presence that I miss. The presence that could be felt while singing praises at one of St Faiths praise and worship sessions. The wholesome feeling that overwhelmed you me. And then life got in the way.

We strive day by day to live a certain way that makes us happy, and in so doing are robbing ourselves of the things we forget are so important. Spiritual welfare aside, we fail to properly care forband maintain the relations in our lives all while battling with our own innate desire for self-discovery.

What I find most interesting is that the crosses we bear are usually our own doing or at least a cognitive reaction based on the action (or lack thereof) of others or ourselves. Constantly, the negative things we feel we have to deal with in our lives, were caused by our own action or inaction at some point in our lives. Therefore in carrying our crosses surely we should recognize that we should take some responsibility for it. Christ has already done what needed to be done. Whatever is left is our own doing.

Today is Ash Wednesday and today we look back at the year gone by, we count our blessing and cut our losses. Let's reflect on what was learnt and cast our burdens onto the Lord.

Happy Lent. May this time be blessed.

I am a Christian

Unsure where I found this originally, but came across it now and thought I should publish